Nightmares

[st_unning]

Alcuin had been at the hotel for over a month now, and had not been sleeping much better than he had when he arrived. He would frequently wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, or feeling a scream dying on his lips. Sometimes he remembered the dreams. Sometimes they were memories - of the attack, of blood and pain, of the light dying in Anafiel's eyes. Of Bouvarre, his greedy hands and eyes, the knife sliding into Alcuin's skin. Or worse, dreams that were more dreams, and even worse than the reality had been.

Often he could never hope to go back to sleep after, and so he'd turn on the lights and write in his journal or read whatever (likely terrible) book he'd found in the hotel gift shop. Though at least even bad books were a distraction.

But sleepless nights meant that he sometimes spent the daytime exhausted. This was not the first time he'd fallen asleep by accident, this time underneath a tree not far from the stables, where he'd been sitting and reading. The book had fallen to the ground beside him, and once he'd fallen asleep he had curled up in the soft grass by the tree.

Even now, in the sunshine and the safety of the inn, a nightmare came to him, a particularly bad one. In his sleep, he stirred, fingers digging slightly in the dirt, and cried out in distress, still mostly asleep.

Comments

[st_unning]

Alcuin understood. And honestly, it was a nice thing to hear. "Perhaps that is a canon that may help me," he said quietly. "Thank you."

He looked at Vax for a moment and then said gently, "In some ways, it may be easier for me over time. That I left behind death and not life."

[st_abby]

Vax'ildan gave him a small twist of a smile, for the irony of it. He wouldn't try to tell Alcuin that it wouldn't still hurt, that his nightmares would surely cease, or that all would be made right by time. Fuck those stale platitudes. But if Alcuin was strong enough to continue to try, if he could still take joy in the world around him... That was as much as anyone could hope for to see them through.

"I think you've plenty of life to be lived yet. And death does seem rather final." Usually. One would think. "If there's anything else that can be done... For as strange a place as this may be, you're not alone in it. Truly."

[st_unning]

Alcuin bit his lip, hesitating a moment, and then threw his arms around Vax, hoping that the gesture would not be unwelcome. But he was so grateful for feeling less alone.

[st_abby]

It was something of a surprise, when Alcuin reached to embrace him. But Vax let the boy have his grasp, then shifted arms from under his cloak to fold around him in kind. He would never begrudge a friend in earnest need of some support, a kind word or a reassuring touch - and he'd already decided that Alcuin was that. So he held him fast, shifting the fall of feathers to drape over Alcuin's back, wrapping him up for some moments.

"You're right," he agreed, a sincere murmur. "It's a lot."

[st_unning]

"Thank you," Alcuin whispered. He was grateful for Vax. Especially now that he had told him the entire truth about himself.

And he would still take him to bed in a second. He wanted to. But he also had a great deal of self control, and he treasured their friendship too much to risk messing it up. After that first misstep it was as if he'd been given a second chance.

[st_abby]

Vax knew from fuck-ups. He made them often enough. And if he was ever too paranoid or too pious or too heartbroken to acknowledge how easy it could be to find himself in bed with someone as lovely as Alcuin, that was his own issue entirely.

"Maybe you'll sleep better now," was the comfort he offered instead, limbs sliding to let Alcuin go again after a long moment. "If not tonight or tomorrow, soon at least."

[st_unning]

Alcuin did not tell him the truth, which was that he thought what would actually help would be to be with another person at night, even chastely. But that might seem like a request, which would be crossing a line.

"I hope so," he said instead with a small smile. "Thank you for listening, Vax. Perhaps it helps a little, just having someone here know my story."